Women In Wellness: Jenny Tryansky On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing

An Interview With Wanda Malhotra

Originally published by Authority Magazine. Read the article on Medium here.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?

I’ve always been a go-getter; setting my sights on something I’m pulled toward and making it happen. That’s how I successfully navigated and moved up in my first career in the broadcast television production industry. I started at the bottom as an intern working on shows for HGTV and Food Network Canada while I was still in university, so I had a legitimate resume by the time I graduated. I have a ton of stories from my early days in the production world — anyone who’s worked in it knows that it can be like the wild west where the normal rules of a workplace go out the window as you’re constantly putting out fires and facing the unexpected. I put in my time and worked my way up to producing, directing, story editing, and eventually show running TV shows across many genres in the factual entertainment world. Eventually, I landed a job as a production executive at a leading Canadian broadcasting company where I oversaw the development and production of some big shows, including Love it or List it and The Bachelor and Bachelorette Canada.

But throughout my 20+ years in the production industry, I was constantly tortured inside by fear of how other people perceived me, comparison, a lack of self-trust and so much self-judgement. It was a hard way to operate in the world, and especially within an industry that can be full of egos, instability and toxicity. I also got to experience amazing adventures, collaborations, and immense creative satisfaction throughout my TV career. That’s what kept me going, but at the time, I didn’t have the inner tools to be able to operate in a healthy and balanced way. The highs were very high and the lows were very low. While part of that was circumstantial to the industry, a bigger part was my lack of self-supportive tools like self-compassion, mindfulness and emotional intelligence.

From the outside, I was very successful and fortunate to work in a role that allowed me to use my creative skills in a more corporate environment, and I did love it for many years. Until I didn’t anymore. One could call it a mid-life crisis of sorts, but I really love the idea of those confronting moments in life as being “awakenings” more than crises. I had become a mother, major changes were happening at the company and within the broadcast industry, and my dream job had honestly turned into what felt like a nightmare. I had reached a point of burnout after giving too much of myself to some big projects, and at the same time, I was struggling with how misaligned my day-to-day felt with who I had become. So, I hired a coach!

Working with my coach, I started to look at my core values for the first time, as well as my gifts, strengths, purpose and impact, and she helped me reconnect to a deep yearning I had always had of working in a helping field and making a difference in people’s lives. My logical brain told me that I had ‘missed the boat’ because I hadn’t chosen that path, so it felt unavailable to me. But through coaching I started to remember what I was capable of. I looked back at all the times I took risks in my life or followed my gut when other people may not have understood or agreed, and that gave me the courage to face my fears head-on and question those limiting beliefs. Even though I may have shocked a lot of people at the time, I took a leap of faith, quit my job (with a plan that included some realistic steps to get to where I wanted to be!) and set off on a new path.

I’ve now been running my coaching business for six years and have grown it, step by step, into a second career that is truly aligned with my purpose and passions. In many ways, it feels like a calling, and I’m grateful that I found the courage to pursue it. I still get to be highly creative, while making an impact that is deeply fulfilling.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?

I will tell you that switching careers as you’re nearing your 40s and already established in your life and work is not an easy endeavor! When I quit my corporate job as a broadcaster, I took what I considered to be a bridge job working with digital content creators at a management agency by day, while I trained to become a certified coach and worked with private coaching clients at night. From the outside, I had never been so ‘busy.’ I was simultaneously working a day job, while going back to school in a rigorous training program. I was a mom to a very energetic four-year old daughter who needed a lot from me, and I was starting to build my coaching business in the hours after she went to bed.

But here’s the most interesting thing I noticed at that time: The busyness wasn’t draining me, it was energizing me. I felt alive, energized, excited and fulfilled. Yes, there was some fear about the future and where things were heading because it was all so new and unknown, but what I was doing felt SO aligned with who I am and what mattered to me, and that created a fire inside that helped me face the fear and blaze right through it.

What I learned from that experience is that following your gut instincts and those internal whispers that have you yearning for something (in my case it was to work in a helping field) is worthwhile and trustworthy. We have the capacity to figure things out step by step as we go. Fear will try to hold you back with a lot of ‘what if’s’ and doubts, but that inner knowing is much wiser and stronger when you let it guide you.

We are so resourceful and with each step, we glean new insights and discover new strengths, so the path unfolds as you’re walking it.

I really learned about the power of energy-giving activities — the things that light you up are usually quite fueling! When you allow yourself to have more of that in your life, you feel more alive and less threatened by lack of time. You can prioritize better when you’re awake to your core values and to what provides fulfillment in your world. Through that experience, I learned how to give myself permission to let go of certain things on my to-do list so that I could lean into the ones that mattered most to me at that time. Those are valuable lessons I continue to remind myself of and that I help my clients discover for themselves.

It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I truly don’t see mistakes as regrets. I have very few regrets in my life because everything is part of my life story and contributes to how I navigate and create new chapters in that story. However, I have learned big lessons about staying true to myself and listening to internal alarm bells when a project, opportunity or client isn’t right for me.

The perfectionist and inner “people pleaser” in me wants to rise to every occasion and say yes to everything, but I’ve learned that when I say yes to things that feel off, it’s just not worth it.

For example, I had said yes to a big opportunity telling myself that it would lead to even bigger things, but there were some red flags. I felt a swirling in my gut that said ‘pump the breaks!’ but I didn’t listen. I let fear win and told myself I just had to work harder to prove that I could deliver what was expected of me. But I compromised my integrity and my values because I was trying to please rather than speaking up for what I felt was best for me, my voice and my work.

I made myself wrong, and made them ‘right,’ and in the process, I compromised my authenticity. Oof! It hurts even writing that because authenticity is my highest core value. But it was a milestone life lesson and an invitation to deepen my trust in my gut, strengthen my courage in saying no and in changing course when the alarm bells start to ring (we are allowed to change our minds!) and move forward confidently.

I also learned that I need supports in my life, like my own coach and mentors, to help me work through these kinds of situations. I am so much stronger when I’m well-resourced and I believe that resourcing ourselves through tough times is a sign of resilience.

Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?

How we feel on the inside and the perspectives we hold influence how we experience our lives. When I lived from a place of constantly fighting myself on the inside, that reverberated on the outside. It wasn’t good for my relationships at work or in my personal life. I was stressed and tense all the time, had chronic pain and was not healthy in mind, body or spirit.

My own personal development work helped me find peace within myself and I truly believe that inner peace leads to more compassion, empathy and connection out in the world. That’s the work I ultimately do with people — the work of becoming more at peace on the inside so they can make a greater, deeper, meaningful impact ‘out there’ in their own unique ways.

People come to work with me with various goals they want to reach in different areas of their lives, but self-compassion is foundational to the work we do. Most of my clients already know how hard they are on themselves when they first come to coaching, and they’ve reached a point where a part of them knows something has to change.

I help people access and build their wisest inner resources (the ones I wish I had during my TV career) so they can be led by what’s important to them, instead of what’s expected of them. That makes a big impact in the world. I always remind my clients that their commitment to their growth and development is a model for others. If we all lived more authentically and consciously, I think we’d be more connected societally and supportive of the complexities of being human.

When we take better care of our inner worlds we take better care of each other. I’ve seen it and I believe it wholeheartedly.

Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing?

1. Become a “fearblazer.” Facing fear head-on is how you move through it. Anyone who’s taken a risk or started something new knows this intimately. You have to ‘name it to tame it’ and ‘feel it to heal it’ — I keep those phrases in my back pocket always. Fear isn’t an enemy when you know how to work with it, so don’t push it down; hear what it has to say and then question it. Fear doesn’t know the future. Challenge your ‘what if it doesn’t work out?’ fears by allowing yourself to dream and envision what’s possible if it does work out. Let the fire inside the vision help you blaze through the fear.

2. Get to know your inner critic and befriend those shadowy parts of yourself. Trust me on this. You can make use of those self-sabotaging voices by understanding their motivation. Write down what those voices have to say, get them out of you and onto paper to expose them. What are they trying to protect you from? Is there a nugget of useful info in there? Then, write some responses to each inner critic statement starting with “the truth is….” or a sassy “actually…” and see what emerges. Let your inner wisdom respond with full permission to doubt your doubts. In this way, you can learn to work skillfully with your saboteurs and inner critics, instead of allowing them to work against you. You can write your own rules for how you’ll live your life once you expose all the limitations holding you back.

3. Treat yourself like someone you love and believe in. Self-compassion is powerful because it invites us to treat ourselves with the same grace, warmth and care that we offer to people we care about. But it also helps us take a stand for ourselves. Self-compassion has a protective and motivating aspect to it. We wouldn’t let someone we believe in give up on themselves, would we? We’d pump them up, remind them what they’re made of and celebrate their strengths and potential! Start treating yourself this way by changing the way you talk to yourself. Catch yourself when your self-talk is mean, judgmental or demotivating and ask yourself how you’d treat a friend in a similar situation. Celebrate what’s going well and what you’re proud of regularly and let go of the belief that it inflates the ego. This builds self-trust and inner power.

4. Create quiet space and time to hear yourself. You can’t hear and respond to those internal whispers and yearnings when you’re operating on auto-pilot and never-ending go-go-go. Build in time and practices where you can pause to connect with your inner world and authentic voice. Guided meditation is my go-to but I also go for silent walks (no headphones, no distractions, just being present to myself), allow myself to daydream in the shower and sit quietly with my thoughts even when my impulse is to pick up my phone to scroll. Some people journal or write letters to themselves. Trust whatever activity allows you to get quiet so you can really hear and be curious about your yearnings.

5. Shift your perspective on rest and self-care. Rest is fuel and it fuels your good work and energy for the important things in your life. ‘Work first, rest later’ is backwards. Learn to embrace rest as a partner to work. You can’t do your best work or take care of others when you’re running on fumes. Fill your tank with rest practices/activities during the work day that give you energy. Whatever fills or replenishes you counts. When you’re depleted you need to identify what will replenish you. Following someone else’s prescription for rest and self-care is futile because we’re all so unique. Only you know what gives you energy and what depletes you. Give yourself permission to engage in energy-giving activities regularly, guard them with good boundaries and trust that a rested you means the world gets the best of you.

If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?

A self-compassion and compassion movement! I so believe in the power of compassion, it would be incredible to start a movement of radical compassion for self and others to see the impact that would make in the world. Imagine if we were all committed to seeing, hearing, understanding, validating and championing ourselves and others?

I’ve been part of a self-compassion group that meets weekly on Sunday nights for the past four years. It’s an ongoing journey of learning and growth and a practice that needs to be consciously maintained and committed-to. For me, it’s a spiritual and practical practice that addresses my wellbeing on many levels and connects me to others in a very intimate and sacred way.

What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?

  1. “Just start, keep going.” I have to give credit to my friend Margot Daley (another former TV exec turned professional photographer in her second career) for that one. She recently invited me to speak on a panel with other entrepreneurs to talk about building our businesses. I wish I had attended an event like that when I first started because that is the best advice for anyone wanting to start something new. So many of us are held back by the false assumptions that we have to know everything or have everything perfectly in place before starting and that’s simply not true. Don’t focus on the big overwhelm of “How will I do this big thing?” Focus on each step. Actually, my coach at the time DID tell me this when I was questioning going back to school and worried about the practicalities (How would I pay for it? How would I make time for it?) and when I decided to focus on the next best small step and figure it out from there, my answers came as I lived it.

  2. Switching careers doesn’t mean throwing all of your experience out the window and starting from scratch. I’ve been reminded of this time and again. Even though I built a new business in a very different industry from the ground up, I realized that so many of the skills I had developed in my former career were relevant and useful. As a solopreneur I do my own marketing, publicity and outreach, so my creative, relationship-building and logistical planning skills have been an asset. Reaching out to my existing network, which took years to build, was also helpful in generating my first handful of clients. Never discount your experience, knowledge and reputation — bring it all forward and appreciate how you can make it work for you in new ways.

  3. Resource yourself! None of us are meant to do great things alone. I have my own coach who is a key support for me, mentors and teachers who I lean on and ask for guidance from, a community of fellow coaches who I turn to when I have questions or need inspiration or collaboration (when you work alone, communities like that become your colleagues), and a multitude of practices that support my wellbeing and are available to me whenever I’m depleted, stressed or need to re-center myself. I always say that resourcing yourself is a big piece of resilience. Seeking out the support you need is a sign of strength, not weakness.

  4. Business ebbs and flows. Expect the ebbs and don’t make up that you’re a failure in those slower times. Use them as an opportunity to get creative, assess what’s working and not working, reflect on your business and business practices, create new offers and explore if there are new ways to shake things up.

  5. You’re allowed to take a nap in the middle of the work day! This would have been unthinkable to me back in my TV career days even though standing in line at a coffee shop for half an hour was commonplace. But now, when I do things that help replenish my energy and truly fuel me (I love guided yoga nidra naps and other forms of meditation) I come back to my work more creative and engaged. When I first started, I was following the ‘rules’ and expectations from my old work paradigm until I realized that being my own boss means I get to decide how my schedule flows. In the new hybrid work world, a lot of people have more opportunity to be flexible with their schedules, so incorporate self-care practices into your day as often as possible!

Sustainability, veganism, mental health, and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?

Mental health and the stability of knowing you’re taking good care of your inner world is everything. Like I said before, it impacts how you experience life and whether or not you feel that life is happening to you or for and through you.

Raising a child has definitely woken me up to the importance of sustainability and taking care of the environment, but future generations won’t be able to do that important work without stable mental health and permission to seek support without stigma when they need it. I’m trying to teach my daughter to love and care for herself first, so she can do great things in her life.

What is the best way for our readers to further follow your work online?

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Thank you for these fantastic insights! We wish you continued success and good health.

You can follow the interviewer Wanda Malhotra here.